Something that weighs heavily on my heart!

Before I got married (on May 15,2004) I used to go to church every Sunday. I would help out with the children's A.W.A.N.A's program on Wednesdays, taught Sunday School, helped in the Nursery, helped with V.B.S in the summer, sang in the choir and, sometimes, sang solo (only took 18 years to get me to do that). I was also very active in my youth group when I was still in high school, then i got active in the women's bible study when i was out of high school, and at one point i even started a Bible Study with one of my friends (this was before we had a youth group for high schoolers). I was very active in the church and I was soooo happy.
When I started dating my husband (in October of 2002), i still did all of these things, eventhough he didn't go to church (yet). We got engaged in March of 2003 and then we broke up in October of 2003. In December of 2003 we got back togetherand on New Years Eve of 2003 we got re-engaged. The reason for us getting back together was because durning that time he had gotten saved. The reason we had broke up was because (among other things) he didn't go to church. I had always dreamed of getting married to someone who would be active in the church with me. It made me happy to help out and participate in the activities of the church. I thought it was great that he had finally decided that he wanted to be a part of something that i cherised so greatly. So we went through marriage counseling with my pastor and everything was great. He would do the Bible Studies with me and would go to church every Sunday with me. I loved it!
When we got married things changed. We went to church every Sunday for about 6 months. I missed a few Sundays here and there because of work, but other than that we were pretty faithful about going to church. We were switching back and forth between my church and his families church just because we thought it would be nice to spend time with both sides of the family on Sundays. Then after about 6 months, we just stopped going all together. No one really decided it, it just happened. I don't know if it was because we were tired of bouncing back and forth between churches or what. I really didn't think anything about it until recently.
We moved to Fairborn in March and we are living too far away to go to church at either one of our churches. I didn't mind at first, but recently I have kind of had a eye opening experiance (i guess you could say)...

I recently read a post on Dadmanly's site that was posted by his wife Mrs. Dadmanly. After I read this I got to thinking : "Man that is how I used to be. Leaning on God to take care of all my troubles and to help me through difficult situations." I realized that my whole demenior has changed. I am not the same person that I was when I was going to church. I used to be happy, less stressed and just a lot more energetic. Now, I have this 'I don't give a crap what happens anymore' attitude towards everything.
When my sister got in her accident over in Iraq. I prayed for her and for her friend's family but i realized how 'empty' my prayers were. There was no feeling behind them like there used to be when i would pray for someone. It was kind of like I was saying "hey God, I know that you probably won't answer this pray but i am going to say it anyways. I mean heck, you pretty much didn't keep my sister safe so why should i even be saying this." I was just basically going through the motions of prayer without actually thinking of what i was doing. I mean I pray everyday for our soldiers and our military who are over in Iraq, but I have just begun to realize that I don't have the same faith backing up those prayers that I used to. Basically I am just talking to the ceiling.
I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be like I was before i got married. I want to be the person that people would go to for answers to problems because they knew that i knew the scripture to lead them to that would help them through it. Now, i don't think i could point out any scripture to anyone about anything. Personally, this scares me. I don't want to be in this spot anymore. I want to go back to being active in the church and not being such a depressed individual. I have come to realize that I am not as happy of a person as I was when i was going to church. I used to be one of those people who couldn't wait to get out of bed in the morning. Now I dred getting up because that means I got to go to my sucky job or it is a reminder of how I am an hour away from my family and friends, so therefore I am stuck at home with nothing to do. I am just so tired of being like this.
I woke up to 5:30 yesterday morning (this is early for me, i usually get up around 9:00) because I was just thinking about how I needed to get back to going to church. I was thinking about how much of a depressed individual I have become. Sure, I act happy, but in my mind I am thinking about how much I hate my life right now. I am not saying that I hate my life as a wife. I love my husband a lot. I am just saying that I hate the person I have turned out to be. And what is worse is that I am not sure how to change it. I mean I am living an hour and a half from the church that i grew up in. I don't know any of the churches around where I live. Believe it or not, I am actually a very shy person, so it is hard for me to just try something different. But all i know is this:

SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!!

It needs to start today. I need to get back to the happy person that i used to be. I need to get back to being the person who everyone would come to for advice. I know that I need help getting back to that point. I also need the support of my husband. I want to get back to being the couple that everyone loved to see at church. Don't get me wrong I am not doing this for attention. I am doing this because church was such a big part of my life from the time that I was a baby. It is what made me happy. It is what got me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I just want to go back to being happy, energetic, and just back to being ME!

I know it is going to take some time. But i know that I can do this. With the prayers and support from my family and friends I know I can make my life into what I know it can be!

Good Morning Everyone

As you can see i have changed the background on my blogsite. I was getting tired of staring that the pink. So I changed it, let me know what you think. I am not that skilled with html that i can do anything else but use the templates that this site gives me. So it isn't spectacular but it is at least a change. Although i will probably not be changing this thing again for a long time. It was a major pain in the butt because i had to re-paste everything (sitemeter ticker, blogroll, trackback...). So hopefully this is something i can deal with for a while!

Hmm amazing what you find when you search

so i was going through and reading different people's blog sites and I came across this site. I decided to just read through and see what kind of posts he has on his site and this is what i found. I had been clicking on the links he had and reading a little here and there from the articles. So i clicked on the words "young lady" and it came back to my site. Wow that was a surprise! Makes me wonder where else i made it to on the world of blogsites.

Thank you to this guy for linking to me. I don't know what the hats off was for but...well thanks!

I will let you all know if i find anything else later. I am seriously not doing anything today. Well, except for going with my husband to his family reunion and then off to my parents house to spend time with my dad for father's day.

I will post more later!

Wow I wish i would have found this sooner

I am up rather early this morning (I will explain more on that later). Anyways, since i am up so early I decided to kind of see what was out there in Blog world. I started reading posts of Mustang 23's that i hadn't read yet (I haven't really had time to just sit and read anyone's blog in a couple of days). And I came across a really nice post about a female soldier recieving a Silver Star.

So reading on, I found out that someone had actually been at the ceremony and had provided pictures. So i went over to Argghhh! and read what he had to say about the ceremony and everything behind why she recieved the Silver Star.

Then I head over to a link that I found on Mustang 23's site that lead me to the DefenseLINK News on the award. Now the Department of Defense News site is wonderful. I absolutly love going here and seeing what i can find out about various happenings in the war and just other interesting news in general.

I love reading stories about nice things that happen over in Iraq, even if those nice things come out of something not so nice. It is nice that our soldiers are getting recognized for the work that they do. It is a tough job. I mean you are away from your family from an indefinate amount of time. You encounter things that would make a civilan go insane. Not to mention the physical aspect of the whole thing. I know i couldn't carry around 80+ lbs of gear around in the hot sun all day, go on a couple hours of sleep a night, all this while possibly missing a couple meals a day because you are out on a mission and didn't have time to eat. That just physically drains your body. Plus not to mention the fact of going without a shower for a couple of days or more. God, i don't think i would be able to handle that. Hence the reason why i didn't join the army like my sister wanted me to. She tells me stories about some of the stuff that she's been through (well the stuff she is allowed to tell me) and i just think "man, if that were me, i would be in the nut house by the time i got home." But hey, that is what makes a soldier different from the rest of us. They are willing to endure those harse conditions, with very little complaining. To me they are the best role model a person can have. I am completely honored to know a couple of people who are serving, or did serve, in the military. They are just truley amazing people. I am not just saying that because my sister is serving, i truely mean that.

Anyways, back to the reason for this post.....

Why i found this story so amazing is because this is the first time that the Silver Star has been awarded to a woman sldier since World War II. Now that just amazes me!! With all the females out there serving in the military you would think that they would have awarded one of these to female soldier before this. Way to go girl!! You rock!

According to DefenseLINK News. Sgt. Leigh Ann Hester

was shadowing a supply convoy March 20 when anti-Iraqi fighters ambushed the convoy. The squad moved to the side of the road, flanking the insurgents and cutting off their escape route.

and then they did some damage! Man! That is awesome for more than one reason. For one, this woman is part of a Military Police Company. That just rocks! If I were to ever join the military (notice i said IF not when) that is what i would want to do. So kudos to her for actually doing it! And two, this girl kicked some major butt! Along with the rest of her team, of course. That is just amazing!

I should also mention at this time that Staff Sgt. Timothy Nein and Spc. Jason Mike also recieved the Silver Star for Valor. Congrats to all of them!

That is just awesome! I don't know what else to say about it! It is good to see our female soldiers getting the recognition that they deserve. According to Sgt. Leigh Ann Hester

It doesn't have anything to do with being a female. It's about the duties I performed that day as a soldier.

Your training kicks in and the soldier kicks in. It's your life or theirs. ... You've got a job to do -- protecting yourself and your fellow comrades.

Very well said, very well said! Keep up the good work!

Photo Caption Contest

Okay,
Mustang 23 has posted a new caption contest. He says no flatulence jokes, now why would he need to specify something like that? I admit it was hard not to make any! Anyways, go and post your caption!

Oh and to make my day even better...

well not really....

Dadmanly had posted previously about a tragedy that he had experiance recently. Well to make the whole situation a lot worse, this report has just come in about the whole situation. Now why would someone even think about doing this. YOU sign up to go into the military. YOU know that there is a possibility of you getting sent to war. And yet YOU decide to injure/kill your fellow soldier. That is just plain STUPID!! That really ticks me off.

Now to let everyone know. they are not 100% sure that this is what happened. I am just saying that if this is what happened, man that would really tick me off. So, I am not assuming that this is what occured. i am just saying that, without having all the details, the media has come out with this report. Let's hope that the media isn't jumping to conclusions again (or maybe we should hope that this is what happened). It all depends on how you look at it. On one hand i am hoping that the media is jumping to conclusions and that this isn't what occured, but at the same time i am hoping that the media is jumping to conclusions because this would mean that someone wouldn't actually do something like this. We will just have to wait and see.

I will definetly be in prayers for these families!


Man, i think today is just going to be a horrible day! I am starting to hate it already!

Wow!

Okay,
All I have to say about this post is I hope they find the stupid person who did this. This story is so heartbreaking. A soldier, home on leave from Iraq, gets killed by some person who can't control his temper. And to make matters worse, this all happens in front of this Soldiers wife and his wife's 3-day-old baby.

Major K. has the story here.

Here is the news article about it.

Authorities ask that anyone with information about Urrea's whereabouts call 911 or the Murrieta Police Department at (951) 696-3615.

I just hope that they find the person who did this. It is bad enough to lose someone while they are in Iraq fighting for our country. It is even worse to lose someone while they are home on leave for the birth of a child. All because people don't know how to properly deal with confrontational situations. GRRR this just really ticks me off to no extent.

I will keep the family of Specialist Jorge Estrada, the NightStalkers, the Estrada family, and the whole army in my prayers. This just sucks!

Simply put..

Go check out this site

America Supports You

Leave a message for our troops. Or, soldiers, leave a message to us :)

God Bless.

April M. Shah

So much stuff so little time...

Okay,
So i have been looking around the Blogger site, just to see what was out there, and boy am i glad I did.

1) First off,
For you daily dose of f**king hilarious s**t. Go over to this site.

Daily Dancer

This guy is freaking insane. But i love it. It makes me laugh and that is a good thing. I just think that it is great that this guy is so comfortable with himself that he can just dance in front of the whole internet. It is great, really go check it out. I am sure the people that live around him thoroughly appreciate the loud music and the jumping around. But oh well, it is daily entertainment. I LOVE IT!! Thanks to Beth and Mustang 23 for pointing this one out!


2.) On a more serious note, okay maybe not, well maybe. I am not sure how serious either of these people are about this. But Mustang 23 and The National Guard Experiance are having a little fight over beef jerky. I am not sure who i agree with. I will have to let both of them persuade me to join their team. So come on guys convince me! It is just hilarious. Head on over to both of their sites and catch up on all the Beef Jerky madness.

Apparently both side have taken on new blog accounts just for this little war (not like they both aren't already in Iraq fighting a war). Whatever takes your mind off of it guys. Anways, Mustang 23 now has a site called Bloggers for Beef Jerky. And The National Guard Experiance has one called Beef Jerky For Dummies.

Sorry boys i am still going to need a little convincing on whose side i should join. My sister says she loves getting Beef Jerky Packages because it is easy to eat when you are headed out on a mission. However, she also says that she sometimes gets kind of sick of Beef Jerky. So whose side should i join? CONVINCE ME!!!

3.) on a definetly serious note. Dadmanly, a first Sargent in Iraq, has a wonderful post about how military units form "families" while serving in a time of war. I have found this to be very true, especially when it comes to my sister. My sister is serving with the 542nd TC Co. out of Kingsbury Indiana. She says that she is getting along with people who she never thought she would every be able to work with. I guess when your family is thousands of miles away you have to find something to temporarily take their place. You should really go read his post it is wonderful. It is called "We Are Not the Same"

Okay, so everyone go check out these good reads.

Mustang 23 and The National Guard Experiance.... START YOUR DEBATE!!! Why do you think i should join your side?

Post more later. Right now i got a bunch of trackbacks to do. God bless you all

~April M. Shah